Getting To Know Me Part 3

***Possible Trigger Warning *** talks about pregnancy and miscarriages

Sorry I missed yesterday. I had some unexpected things I needed to take care of. So we left off the other day where I thought I was in labor.

So at this point it’s like midnight and my husband has been has been awake since 6 am and hasn’t been to sleep yet. Contractions are starting to pick up and get closer together. We grab our bags(which let me throw in there my best friend thought I was crazy for having packed so early 😂). We head to the hospital, now we live about 30 minutes away from the hospital so that was a fun time lol. I can feel her drop down and now I’m really starting to feel these contractions! Bless my husband’s heart while all of this is happening lol. I tell him I feel her drop and he’s like ” do I need to go faster?” I told him “no!”, “just get us there in one piece”. We get to the hospital and go to labor and delivery (apparently we should have went to er first… we had no idea🤷‍♀️). They let us in and were kinda short with us. I’m pretty sure they didn’t believe me and I was interrupting there free time🙄. So I get changed they check me and guess what my water broke! So now they start getting me hooked up to everything. This is also where it starts to just go down hill🤦‍♀️.

So first let me just start off by saying my vains are super small and they’ve only ever been able to find a good one in my left arm. So they are trying to find a vain and aren’t having any luck what so ever!! They keep sticking me over and over and get nothing! Let me add I hate needles! I hate getting shots and I hate having blood drawn! So this was seriously taking a toll on me and they didn’t seem to care. They bring in a machine that is supposed to find your vains… Still couldn’t get one🤦‍♀️🙄!! I’m almost in tears now because it was hurting so bad! Finally they just stick it on top of my hand and call it good. It hurt so bad especially anytime i had to move my hand. So finally they get everything set up and start the patoson. They check me and I’m at a 3 so it’s now just a waiting game. We both try and get some sleep and just wait it out.

I wake I’m assuming a couple hours later?? I can’t remember what time it was lol. But now I’m in pain and it’s getting worse. I woke my poor husband up, well actually I scared him awake at this point with my pain grunts I guess you could call them?? Lol I don’t want to say I was screaming but not necessarily crying so somewhere in between both combined. He jumps up out of the chair and runs to get a nurse to help me. They come and check me and I’m now at a 6! Of course now I have to make the big decision do this natural or get an epidural. We remember earlier when I said I hated needles? Yeah this was a big decision for me lol. I waited as long as possible and finally gave in. I’m waiting for this people to come in and get this done so we can move on and it’s taking forever!! By the time the guy got there I was starting to feel like I needed to push!! Well you have to stay perfectly still so they can shove this big needle in you’re back and I’m trying to and also not trying to push at the same time!!

So the guy trying to do this epidural is having a hard time… couldn’t get the needle in and had to do it a couple of times. At this point I almost just say forget it! He finally gets the needle in and we are on are way! Let me add that by the time he got done I was now at a 9! So I’m trying to push nothings happening. I try different positions still nothing. The ob on call comes in here and there and keeps telling me I’m not where he wants me to be he’ll come back later and check. Like what?! I’m pushing and pushing and still not getting anywhere! The nurses can’t figure out why and the ob was absolutely no help. He pretty much just kept telling me I wasn’t pushing hard enough and to do better. That really helped out a lot. The nurses tried everything to help me and we were still not getting anywhere. It got to the point I could bearly stay awake and my husband looks at me and goes,” look I know you didn’t want a c-section but you can’t do it anymore. You are so tired and nothings happening.” At this point I agree because I literally can’t do it anymore. I felt so defeated and terrible at the same time. I look at him and tell him sorry. Why? I have no idea… It’s not like I didn’t try I did, but I guess it was more because I felt like a failure. I couldn’t even push our daughter out on my own. So by this time my epidural has wore off and I’m now feeling everything!!

Now we are waiting for me to get preped to go back to have the c-section and they are taking forever to do this as well. I have no pain meds now and still having the urges to push. I ask if I still should or what I need to do? They tell me I can push if I want. We finally get back to have the c-section and they are doing everything they need too to get to baby. Then he pulls her out show her to us and hands her off. We had to tell them that I wanted to skin to skin. So they bring her over and lay her on me till they were done stitching me back up. Most everyone leaves out of the room and two of the nurses were trying to figure out how to get me to the other bed. I was like I can just move over… they were like,”you can’t move… your legs are numb.” I have no idea what I was thinking but I was like, “no they aren’t.” Lifted up and moved over. They are just staring at me like I’m crazy. They asked if I could feel them cutting me and I told them I I didn’t. They get me back to our room and are doing their checks on baby and me. I had planned on breastfeeding but we weren’t starting out to great with that. My daughter’s blood sugar was low so they immediately gave her a bottle. It didn’t quite register to me till it was too late.

We get moved to a new room and they just keep coming and going. They had to keep checking her blood and mine as well to make sure we were ok. She didn’t get a bath till later the next day because her blood sugar levels. We finally get that taken care of and I’m still trying to breastfeed and still not having any luck. I was getting frustrated and starting to feel like an even bigger failure. One nurse saw that I was struggling and was so kind, she stayed and tried to help me get it figured out. She ended up bringing me a nipple shield which helped a little. They finished all their testing on the two of us that they needed. My ob came in and said we didn’t have to stay the three days so we left as soon as possible!

We couldn’t wait to be home! To be able to sleep in our own bed and not have people coming and going at all hours. But let me tell you what those first 24 hours being her were the best and worst! Lol. I remember just setting there staring at her for hours while she slept that night. I was so scared that something would/could happen. So my husband bought one on those owlet socks so I could sleep. Isn’t he the best? Let me tell you what! That thing was a life saver!! If your on the fence about getting one, DO IT!! YOU WONT REGRET IT!! Absolutely loved it and ended up giving ours to our cousins when they had their’s.

So I hope y’all enjoyed! I’ll share more stories here and there so be on the look out. If you have any questions or there’s certain things you want me to talk about just comment and let me know. Thank you so much for reading so far!! I’ll have more in the next day or so.